BUS 110 Week 4: How Will You Measure Your Life?

This week, we took a look at how we, as individuals, would measure our lives. I started the week thinking that I was doing pretty well in my life. I knew that I could do things better and that I was definitely behind in some areas. However, I have always told myself that if I just keep plugging along, all the areas where I have faults would eventually catch up to the rest of me. 

I now see that I should have been paying better attention to my entire life. I have focused most of my efforts on my career first. Secondly, I have devoted time to self-interest. I left my family and friends with little to no investment at all. I have been even worse when it comes to my spiritual side. 

Career-wise, I have been able to find many different paths. I reached ever onward for the next level. First, I was a Security Officer, then I assumed the level of Security Dispatch, and next came Field Training Officer. The next level to strive for was that of Defensive Tactics Instructor and Verbal Defense and Influence Instructor. Once I reached this level, I helped to develop the Use Of Force Policies for my then-employer. 

I thought that I had a good grip on my life. I thought that I was pretty set and happy with where I was. This week, while looking at where I am in life and reading the assigned reading for the class, I found that I was not being honest with myself. 

I was not happy; I was delusional and lying to myself. I told myself and others that I was only afraid of two things in this world: snakes and my mother. Now I know that there were some real fears hidden beneath my bravado. I realize that I am genuinely fearful that my contributions to the world will never be seen, or perhaps that I haven't made any true contributions at all. My other fear is one that deeply scares me to my core. This fear is that I will not be able to care for my wife, family, and friends in the way that they need. I am scared that they will see me as a fraud and decide that they can do better without me. I worry that my wife will decide that I am too much trouble to her and move on to somebody that is a better match for her and that will be better able to care for her. 

Now that I have discovered these additional fears, I will have to begin working on ways to ensure that they do not come to fruition and that I am always treating my loved ones as if they are a true part of the person that I am and that I am becoming.